Our thoughts influence our emotions which affect our behaviours. Many of us view life and, in particular, conflict from one perspective and an assumed knowledge of the other person and their motives. We see their behaviour and make our own judgements; perceptions which in turn affect our reactions. Thus our thoughts (whether growth or fixed mindsets) play a vital role in how we cope with adversity, including both internal and external sources of conflict.

WHERE OUR THOUGHTS COME FROM

Neuroscientists are now able to track a thought in the brain and have found that the brain creates automatic pathways of thinking and that these pathways get stronger the more that our thinking follows them. This means that some people become more wired to think pessimistically- out of habit- while others find optimistic thinking comes more naturally. Our thoughts represent our beliefs and our beliefs are influenced by a variety of things in our environment.

CAREFUL THE THINGS YOU SAY- CHILDREN WILL LISTEN

Children listen to the words that adults around them speak and these can become a foundation for their own thinking. When adults speak out-loud their anxious, critical or judgemental thoughts, children use that pattern of thinking as a plumbline for their own self-talk. They need help to think constructively about challenging

situations, and to believe that they can overcome them. This requires the ability to tune in to their thinking and to reframe it so that they make wise choices and become learners for life. With practise, children can find the ability to see positivity or the ability to learn from challenging situations and turn their thoughts from red to green.

HELPFUL AND UNHELPFUL THOUGHTS

Thoughts can be represented as having different colours. They can either be red, glass is half empty, and involve unhelpful self-talk, leading to angry, scared or sad feelings. Or they can be green, glass is half full, and involve helpful self-talk, where they feel brave, confident and calm. A red thought might be something like “This is too hard/unfair/boring!”, whereas a green one might be “I can figure this out/everything will be okay/you never know what I might learn from this”.

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS

You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour or thinking but you can choose to control your own. Ask yourself– are my thoughts helpful or are they harmful? If they are harmful, consider how your self-talk could be readjusted the next time your brain dwells on the negative.

TIPS FOR PARENTS:

• MIRROR AFFIRMATIONS: Write some positive, helpful thoughts onto post-it notes and put them up on the bathroom mirror. Every time a child looks in the mirror, they can say the thought out loud.
• QUOTE COLLAGE: Search the internet for encouraging statements, select the ones that you consider personally powerful, and print them out to glue into a collage. Alternatively, make them into a screen saver or background on your computer or tablet.
• GREATEST LESSON: Encourage children to see mistakes as a chance to learn and grow from.